This first appeared on my facebook page when we first arrived. It is now here by popular demand. (Excuse me Facebook people for the repitition!)

So, the kids and I make a solo flight to do a ‘big’ shop. Go to Giant (aptly named) – think Asda, definitely not Waitrose. I am minding my own business yelling at the children, as you do, when an octogenarian Chinese Singaporean Granny accosts me. After much hand waving and shrugging, I work out that she wants my stamps from the check out (think co-op green stamps of old). I don’t believe I said yes, but she joins us anyway. She then waves her arms at me which translates loosely as ‘why are you buying that, you should have rambutan’. I wave furiously back that if she wants to come home with me and make them eat it, great, but I’d rather have my original choice of kiwi fruit. And so it continues.. She then mimes to the children that if they eat all the crap in the trolley they will have teeth like hers. Ned is by now completely sold on the ancient granny with no teeth. I decide to leave them with the trolley and our hijacker while I run around and grab some stuff. I come back to the trolley to see her loudly applauding Millie’s choice of Hello Kitty toilet paper and into the trolley it goes. I then hear much tutting and sharp intakes of breath as I put the beer in, thinking shit, I want gin too. I give up. I will save you the turmoil that was the checkout but our granny got 10 stamps for her pain. As Ned and Millie wave goodbye I point out that I don’t know why they are laughing as they are having rambutan on hello kitty loo roll for lunch………….